There is no way to measure the importance of good parents in the life of a child, from newborn through every stage in life on into adulthood. The values that are passed on are enumerable. Traditionally of course, the mother is accepted as the most important role, who could argue with that? The mother is the nurturer; the one who hugs and kisses the boo boo’s. My intentions are not to dismiss this importance or the value of love that a mother places in a child’s heart. There may be future articles on mothers, but this article is about the value of, and the role of, fathers.

The first question that happens when a couple finds out they are expecting a child is “what will we name the baby”? There is a basic instinct in all parents when naming the child. They usually want to use a name that conveys something that has special meaning, either of a person or an event from their lives. This inclination of the parents is the first defining attribute to an otherwise blank slate that is the baby in waiting. This attribute will be with this child through school and the rest of their life. It will be one of the first words they will learn to spell, and one of the last words given as a testament of their life.

The father’s role in a child’s life should be one of defining. We can call a child a given name, but the father holds the key to defining the child. Years ago I read that “children will worship what the father worships.” The older I have become the more I realize this is true. There are a lot of things that men worship: cars, sports, music, outdoor activities hunting, fishing, family….. the list could go on. I believe God understands our lives and created a world where these things exist. Where God’s place is at in our lives will define what our children understand about us. I have noticed with very few exceptions that the interest and experiences in the children are usually the results of their father

Genesis 35:18

As she breathed her last –for she was dying– she named her son Ben- Oni. But his father named him Benjamin.

This account of Jacob renaming his son upon the death of his wife is one of defining. In her last breath Rachael named her son BenOni which means son of my sorrow. Immediately Jacob responds he shall not be called “son of my sorrow” he shall be called Benjamin meaning “son of my strength”. Through that action Jacob changed the life of his child and set him on a new course.

There is a scene in the classic movie “The Christmas Story” that is played around the clock at Christmas time. The movie is about a boy growing up in the 1940’s and his quest to get a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas. The movie is narrated by the main character, named Ralphie, now grown and looking back at his pursuit toward manhood. In the scene when the family starts opening the presents on Christmas morning, Ralphie’s mother hands him a present his aunt had sent. The present turns out to be a pink bunny outfit. Ralphie pulls it out and looks at it with total disgust,but then his mother wants him to try it on. He comes down the stairs in a one piece pink bunny suit with bunny ears and pink bunny slippers.  His mother thinks he is cute.  His father tell him he looks “ridiculous”. The bunny suit is a symbol of his childhood that he is trying to get past.  He wants to be considered old enough for a Red Ryder BB gun; the symbol of manhood. His father, shortly after, shows him a hidden package containing the Red Ryder BB gun. His father did not define him with the bunny suit. His father defined him as old enough to merit the BB gun. His father gave him the credentials he needed to grow up.

This is every child’s story. They need the nurturing of their mother. They need the mothers love placed inside their souls, but it is the father who defines them, that names them, that helps them understand who they are. One of the most memorable scenes in the “Lion King” is when the grown up Simba looks into the reflection of the pool and sees himself, now looking much like his father. Then he hears Mufasa saying in that deep voice “Remember Who You Are.” The father names the child; not necessarily the given name, but the self-worth, the motivation to achieve and the calling out of their gifts. He motivates them to become the best they can be. He pushes them in development, to become who they are. The role of the father should be the patient process of a life-long journey.

Matthew 1:20

… “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

God used this principle when He named His own Son, Through the prophets in the Old Testament He gave countless scriptures defining Christ, His Life and future. He defined to Mary that the baby would be known as Emanuel (God is with us). Then, He visits Joseph (Jesus’ earthly father) in a dream and told Joseph to name Him Jesus, His actual name. A name whose meaning would define His mission, given to Him by his Father.

Now this all sounds great and wonderful on the surface, but one nagging question I have as I contemplate this is: “Where are the fathers”? Who is naming the children of this coming generation? In 2011, Almost 10 million families in the US were headed by a single mother. I offer this information not to offend, or put down the role of single mothers. I just want to make a point. We are seeing a generation of children with no name! These children have no way to pass on something to future generations that they don’t have.

Every time I read the paper about some horrific crime or incident, or simply hear a local story of someone making stupid choices, the first question in my mind is “where is the father who defined this person and told them who they are”? Then usually, with very little research, there will be a paragraph in the article or someone will be telling the story of a missing father.

We have a weak nation because we have weak communities We have weak communities because we have weak churches We have weak churches because we have weak families We have weak families because we have weak fathers.